Dear Ask Ashlee,
I just graduated high school last year, and I decided not to go to college right away while I worked through some personal goals I had for myself. My parents weren’t happy about this decision at all, but they claim to support it as long as I was working and being productive.
The #1 reason they wanted me to go to college was because they wanted space to be created between my boyfriend and I. They’ve always felt that he was holding me back and wasn’t worth my time. They see him as a bum basically, who really has nothing to offer me.
They are so wrong about him! My boyfriend is very supportive of my dreams and what I want to accomplish. He is always pushing me to be better and being a positive influence on me. If anything, I could be better for him by motivating and inspiring him like he does for me.
Anyway, the dilemma I’m in is that I just found out that I am pregnant. I have so many feelings about it; I’m happy, sad, nervous, excited and really scared all at the same time. I don’t know what I want to do, I don’t know if I am ready to be a mom and take care of someone else. I know I wouldn’t be doing it alone but my parents are going to be so disappointed, I’m actually a little disappointed myself. I haven’t shared it with anyone yet, not even my boyfriend, so I guess I’m just looking for a little bit of guidance here. Sorry for rambling.
So here’s the thing, you my dear are transitioning. You’ve transitioned from a teenager to a young adult just like that (snap). I want you to keep in mind, transitioning in life does not have to be a bad thing, it can actually be exciting. You have a lot to unpack here and that’s okay. You are going to take a deep breath, and take things one step at a time, one day at a time.
First things first, you are pregnant and you have options. I won’t even begin to tell you what decisions you need to make with your pregnancy. What I will say is make the decision for you and you alone. I know you have a supportive boyfriend, and I love that for you, but even in the best relationships, parenthood can sometimes change things and you want to make certain that you are not carrying a child because you think someone else will be there every step of the way. I am not saying he won’t, because he seems like a great guy, I am saying be prepared for any outcome.
I do want to assure you that all the emotions and feelings you are experiencing are very normal. You will have highs and lows throughout your pregnancy, and you will experience highs and lows throughout life in general, but here is the beautiful thing about that: you will get through it. You will not stay stuck in this space. One day you will look up and smile at how you have been able to persevere through the transitions of life and remember this conversation.
You are capable of doing whatever you set your mind to, regardless of how difficult someone else may think it will be for you. You are the driving force behind your journey, and, in life, every road you take will be based on a decision you have made. So again I implore you, to make the best decision for you.
As far as your parent’s go, keep in mind they love you. Parents want the best for their children, even if they can’t express it properly. I also want you to keep in mind that your parents were once transitioning from teenagers, to young adults, to adults into parenthood. Their experiences were theirs, and they are going to give you advice based on those experiences. Try not to be too hard on them during this process. Communicate with them and look for guidance, but again, make the best decision for you. I hope this helps.
Love & Light,