Dear Ask Ashlee,
My best friend and I have been inseparable for the last 15 years of our lives. Our children are born within days of each other, we work together, we also have a side business we have started together and we live maybe a mile or two from each other, so when I say inseparable I mean just that. Recently, I have gotten into a relationship with the man I am positive I will one day marry. When we first started dating, she was so happy for me, but lately I am sensing that maybe her happiness has worn off. I notice that she no longer likes coming to the house as much as she used to, she has sly remarks whenever I mention his name or something nice he has done for me and she will “remind” me not to tell him any of her business. This is my girl, I don’t ever want to offend her or think negatively of her but this is starting to make me feel negatively about our friendship and whenever I try to communicate with her and ask what the problem is she simply says” there is no problem”. What do you think Ash, am I paranoid? Or am I seeing her for who she really is?
– Ms. Realistic
Dear Ms. Realistic,
So here’s the thing, sometimes people are in a different space in their lives than you are and even though they really do want to be happy for you, their self pity won’t allow them to be. I don’t believe you are being paranoid, and I don’t think that you are truly seeing your friend for who she is, because the reality is you already know who she is. You have been best friends for 15 years. You probably know all her favorite things, all the things she hates, all her pet peeves and so much more. I encourage you to sit down with all the knowledge that you have of her and give her grace. Take a moment to reflect and think about where she is in her life. Is she spiritually connected to herself or a high power? Is she financially stable and happy within her own personal life? Is she struggling with being a mother or is having issues within her own family? If you sit back and answer these questions honestly, you may find that she is just unhappy with the way her life is right now. If you are constantly talking about all the wonderful things happening in your life and she has to sit in silence and reflect on everything that is wrong with hers, it can make one feel even worse about themselves. Have you taken a moment to think, maybe she is embarrassed about the way things are going and that is why she doesn’t want your new found love to know that about her? There could be a million different reasons why she has started to exhibit this behavior. The good thing is, you two are the best of friends! This leaves room for you to have uncomfortable conversations and be able to bounce back from them. I encourage you to create some time just for the two of you to reconnect and have a very real open, honest and maybe even ugly dialogue with one another to get to the root of the problem. I also encourage you to walk into the situation with a solution in mind. The reality is you may not hear what you want to hear, but having a solution in mind and being open to new solutions, will save you both from feeling empty after the talk. I hope this helps!
With Love & Light,
A Cincinnati woman who wears many hats, Ask Ashlee is determined to provide love to the community with sound mind advice, entertainment and a passion to showcase the excellence of others.