Dear Ask Ashlee,
My big brother is in a situation that I would really like your help getting him out of. He has been dating this woman who our family cannot stand, and I do mean our entire family. She is rude, ignorant, and a horrible influence on him. She doesn’t have very much respect for him in my eyes, and she doesn’t cater to him like a woman would that loves someone.
We aren’t quite sure what she sees in him, but last week he told me he was thinking about proposing to her. This CANNOT happen. I love my brother, and he deserves so much better. My brother is financially well off and I know for a fact that she is only with him for his money. He is into very beautiful, model-like women. The type of woman that only wants you for your money.
He is a good man and doesn’t have any children. I’m afraid she will try to get pregnant by him just to trap him so he will feel obligated to stay. My brother doesn’t know how I feel at all, and I am afraid to hurt him or not show him the support he is asking of me.
Concerned Little Sis
Dear Concerned Little Sis,
So here’s the thing, you have every right to be concerned about your brother. Any person that has a special place in your heart should have your concern and compassion. In addition to those things, they should also have your truth and your honesty. If your brother has come to you to share such an important decision, such as a proposal, then he must clearly respect your opinion. Right?
Therefore, be honest with him about how you feel, but be honest with him with love and good intentions in your heart. Don’t allow yourself to harp so much on the hate that you have for this woman, but focus more on the love and concern you have for your big brother.
Relationships can be a very private thing, unless the both of them are sharing every detail of their relationship with you, you don’t quite know the full story. Granted, you have seen her speak to him inappropriately, but you don’t know if something happened before they were in your presence. At the end of the day, all you can really do is share your truths and be honest with him. Keep in mind he will do what he wants to do anyway, and your job will be to love and support your brother anyway.
If his relationship changes for the better, great! If his relationship doesn’t and he is hurt, be there for him. Sometimes we have to let people make the decision they feel is best for them, regardless of what we may think or feel, which is a hard pill to swallow.
Love & peace,