Dear Ask Ashlee,
I just found out that I am pregnant by a man that I do not want to be in a relationship with. He and I have known each other for a while and we’ve always been pretty cool. Recently we’ve been messing around with each other here and there, but we both agreed that this wouldn’t be anything serious. Before you ask, yes we used protection because like I said, we agreed this wouldn’t be anything serious.
I guess things really do “just happen,” because here I am 4 months pregnant with my first child. My question now is, what do I do? He isn’t a bad guy; he’s just not a guy I could see myself in a relationship with. I don’t want to be someone’s “baby mama,” so I am considering an abortion. He is adamant about me keeping this baby, and us raising him or her anyway. I think it’s cool that he wants to, but I just hear so many awful baby mama and baby daddy drama that it just puts a bad taste in my mouth about the entire idea.
I really could use some advice, so I figured I would ask, what do you think? Keep my baby and be co-parents or abort and wait until I am ready to be a mother?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
So here’s the thing, you are not the first woman faced with this decision and you will not be the last. Rest assured many children are here because two individuals allowed themselves to get carried away, so please don’t beat yourself up over this. Instead, learn from it and move forward with the knowledge you will have gained from this experience.
Now, as far as the decision you need to make, understand that this is really about whether or not you are ready to be a mother to this child. I think it is commendable of you to consider the feelings of the father in this situation, but because you two do not wish to be together, you know that you will be a single mother. This means if at any time he chooses not to be the father, you are still responsible for the well being of your child.
Most of the dramatic co-parenting situations you hear of are a result of uncontrolled emotions that have yet to be addressed and dealt with by each individual. One parent tends to use the child as a form of manipulation and control, and sometimes the child is claimed by another parent to dictate when and where and if the child can have the proper relationship with the other parent.
If you don’t want this to happen, be upfront, be honest, and come up with a plan that is feasible for you and the father, take it to court and have it signed in as a legal document. This holds you both accountable to what’s best for your child in the event that emotions rise later on down the line.
I do want you to keep this in mind as well; abortion is not your only option. Adoption is still an alternative, it can be trying on the heart, the body and the mind, but please understand that an abortion can produce the same results.
Take some time to consider every avenue and then have a serious conversation with whomever your higher power is, love. Divine intervention baby.
I hope this helps!
Love & Light, Ashlee
