Dear Ask Ashlee,
I have been dating a man for the last 9 months and things are great between us! He is kind, patient, and very caring. He recently met my 6-year-old and they hit it off pretty well, which of course made me fall for him even harder (why do we do that as women? ha-ha).
Anyhow, the problem is, I received a call from a woman that claims to be the mother of his child. A child he told me is not his and he has no children. He told me about this woman before, but sis sounds adamant that he is the father. I did explain to her that this was really none of my business, but she says if I am going to be in his life she wants a real woman to encourage him to be a better father.
I am so lost as to what to do with this entire situation. I really want to continue dating this man, but I do not need the drama. He asked me to just wait until the test results come back because she has been doing this to everyone, friends, family, whoever will listen, and I am giving him the chance to prove his truth to me, However, I am still leery about it all because I do not want or need the drama in my life.
What would you do?
So here’s the thing, you are right. This is none of your business right now. You two are dating, his problems are not your problems. I am glad to hear he told you about her and receiving a call from her wasn’t a complete surprise, but women and men can become attached in such an unhealthy way sometimes that they will do crazy things to get the attention of someone they want. I am not calling this woman crazy, I am simply stating, people will go above and beyond to get what they want.
Take things a little slower in the meantime, while he deals with his problem. If you want to support him, support him as a friend and that is it. Do not take ownership of this situation at all.
If she is the mother of his child, you have a decision to make. You can continue seeing him, but be mindful of the situation. If she called you now to make herself and her child known, she will call you again for any and everything. If he isn’t the father, great. You two can go back to your regular scheduled program and continue building and growing together.
The good thing is he didn’t try to hide this from you, and that is a good enough reason for him to receive a little grace.
I hope this helps.
Love & Light, Ash