• Fri. Dec 2nd, 2022

Ask Ashlee: My best friend’s partner is bad for him

Dear Ashlee,

I have been best friends with the same man for the last 25 years. We have been there for each other through graduations, the births of our children, parenting hardships, financial hardships, my wedding and so much more. He and my husband get along great, which means so much to me because I don’t know what I would do without him being there for me the way he has. He has a girlfriend that he has been dating for the last two years, and I am convinced this woman is on drugs. She can never come around and be a calm, cool, collected person. She exhibits signs of a user and he refuses to acknowledge it. I try to stay in my line and only discuss her when he comes to me, but a few weeks ago they were at the house for a game night and something valuable came up missing from my home. I am about 85% positive she took it, and I just don’t know how to approach him about this. My husband is in agreement and said that even if I don’t mention the missing item, I needed to have a conversation with him because he no longer wants her in our home. I don’t want to rock the boat of a very solid friendship, but this woman really isn’t good for him, and it’s a conversation I am really afraid to have.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

So here’s the thing, if the friendship is as solid as you believe it is, this conversation should not make or break it by any means. Uncomfortable conversations create room for growth between the two people having the conversation. If every conversation remained surface level, the two of you wouldn’t have the solid foundation you mentioned. I will say that I agree with your husband. Especially since it seems like the issue of this woman goes further than just a missing item in your home. Is it worth bringing up? That’s up to you. What’s more important is you don’t trust her and she is not the kind of company you are interested in keeping. That reality in itself is worth you and your best friend having an uncomfortable conversation. When and if you decide to approach him, do it with love and consideration. He may become defensive, because this is his woman, but hopefully he can feel that you are coming from a place of love and be open minded enough to really hear you out. 

I hope this helps!

Love and Light,

Ash