• Sat. Jun 25th, 2022

Ask Ashlee: Talking about past relationships is a turn off?

Dear Ask Ashlee,

I started dating this guy several months ago and things have been progressing pretty quickly. I like him a lot. He is established, doesn’t have any children, owns his own home, has a great job and most importantly has a great relationship with God. You know a man that has a relationship with God is everything! My issue is that he is always talking about his past relationships. It’s not like he is fixated on just one woman in general, but almost any woman he has ever dated. He comes off like one of those “nice guys finish last” kind of men and I am going outside of my box here, but this constant need to reflect on past relationships has become a huge turn off for me. I don’t want to talk myself out of dating this guy, but I don’t want to continue feeling like everything I do or don’t do is a comparison of his past.

Willing To See Where Things Go

Dear Ms. Willing To See Where Things Go,

So, here’s the thing, you have to speak up! Clearly this man has no issue speaking up about things, so you can’t shy away from speaking on things yourself. If you allow yourself to be transparent with him, then this can be an easy fix. He could just be sharing things with you that he experienced in the past that could be triggers for him. Maybe he is overcommunicating these experiences with you because he likes you and doesn’t want to go through the same thing. Let’s be honest, as women we do this all the time. We may not vocalize it every time, but once a man triggers a past experience in us that we haven’t dealt with, we react to it in some way. I strongly suggest you communicate and let him know how this makes you feel so he can adjust how he communicates his fears or concerns with you. Also, since the two of you have such a great relationship with God, pray over the entire situation, individually and together. Amazing things alone could come out of that don’t you think?

I hope this helps!

Love & Light,

Ash