Dear Ask Ashlee,
My friend of 8 years is about to marry a man that I know for a fact is the father of my cousin’s 3-month-old baby. Before I get too deep into this, let me explain. My friend, whom I will call Jill, has been with her fiancé for about 5 years and they are set to marry this summer. Jill has asked me to be in the wedding and of course I said yes! One day, I was hanging with my cousin, and we were talking about summer plans, and doing a vacation together when I reminded her that I wouldn’t be able to go in July because of the wedding. She started talking about how she can’t wait to get married, but her newborns father completely changed up on her when the baby was born and that she is so scared to date right now and be serious with anyone, she then asked to see my friend that would be getting married and of course I showed her a picture of them, and she got so quiet. She suddenly started crying and saying she can’t believe it and, in my heart, I just knew that he was the father. She later confirmed it and I have been sitting on this information for about 3 days. My friend is going to be crushed, my cousin is crushed, and this man… this fool is in for a rude awakening. My question is, how do I go about this? How can I bring this to her as we are in the midst of planning her wedding, and oh yea… her baby shower because she’s 8 months pregnant! Lord Help Me!
Friend of Bad News
Dear Friend of Bad News,
So, here’s the thing, you don’t know what your friend knows. Women and men put up with a lot when they are in love and even when they aren’t but need to save face. I strongly suggest you proceed with caution, but also be the honest and forthcoming friend that I hope you are. Your cousin already knows, so be there and continue to support her. Your friend is going to need the same support, even if she decides to move forward with the wedding. I just want you to be mindful of a few things; first, this is supposed to be her husband and he’s the father of her unborn child, she may not be willing to give up on him that easily despite the circumstances, and if she chooses not to, that’s her life, her decision and as her friend you have to be careful not to judge her. You have no control over the choice she makes for her life, you are simply the messenger, if you choose to be. Secondly, if she stays, there is a strong chance that he has a strong enough hold on her, to where your knowledge and relation to your cousin is a constant reminder and it may cause a shift in your friendship, be prepared for that. The embarrassment of it all may look like she is pushing you away, when in actuality she just doesn’t want to face her reality. Now, you do have the option of going to him first and telling him that you know the truth and you demand he come clean, but he can easily flip the story on you and convince her that you aren’t the friend she knows you to be. I advise again, proceed with caution because matters of the heart are never easy to heal with. Whatever you choose to do, do it with a pure and clean heart and from there, let go and let God. I hope this helps!
Love & Light,