• Fri. Dec 9th, 2022

Ask Ashlee: ‘For better or worse’ includes weight changes and intimacy issues, right?

Dear Ask Ashlee,

So, here’s the thing (I love when you start off like that), my husband and I have been married for about 15 years. We’ve been through so much together; children, several career changes, money problems and now we are having issues of intimacy. Over the years we have both gained weight and haven’t done our best to stay in the best shape. A little over a year ago, I decided to change that for me. I have lost a total of 55 lbs. and I feel the best I have ever felt in my life! My husband, however, has 0 interest in making the same changes for himself. I have done everything I can think of to get him to lose the weight and he just won’t budge. We have now reached the point where I can’t bring myself to get physical with him because of his weight. I have discussed this with him and of course that didn’t go well. He wants sex and I want to find him attractive again. He wants sex and I want him to be healthy. See my dilemma?

Mrs. Forty and Fit

Dear Mrs. Forty and Fit,

You know it’s coming right? So, here’s the thing, fat, broke, and funky that is still your husband! I didn’t attend the wedding, but I am sure the vows included something like, “for better or for worse” right? So, whether your husband is the same size he has been for the last few years or not, intimacy is still very important. I am not telling you to give up your body when you don’t want to, but I am telling you to still make your man feel like YOUR MAN! I want you to ask yourself a series of questions, ok? When you speak to him about his weight, are you speaking to him or at him? Are you nagging him or encouraging him? Are you using a positive tone or a condescending one? You know your husband better than me, but these things matter when it comes to communicating with any man. As you have done the work to lose weight yourself, I am sure you learned that eating better foods is more than half the battle when it comes to a healthier lifestyle, so as his wife and the matriarch for your family, what are you feeding the household? If you decided to change the diet of the entire household, his weight would decrease drastically off of that small change. As his helpmate, you have to get creative with the way you are going to help him. Again, you know him better than I do, so only you know how you can truly implement that. In the meantime, find other ways to be intimate with your husband that are beneficially beautiful to you both. Why? For better or for worse, remember? I hope this helps.

Love & Light,
Ash