• Fri. Dec 9th, 2022

Ask Ashlee: How do you tell your BFF that it’s not all about them?

Dear Ask Ashlee,

My best friend and I have been attached at the hip since the 8th grade. We are both in our 30s now and we have always been there for each other. We rarely argue and we really haven’t had any kind of drama between the two of us. I love her, that’s my girl, my sister and I will always have her back. The problem is that lately she has been very self-involved. Every conversation we have is about her and what she is going through and how hard life is for her. We are always talking about her dreams, her goals, her wishes, her family dynamics, her relationship woes, just everything you could think of, it’s always about her. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and I still haven’t told her yet because I feel like there is never a good time to let her know. Am I wrong for not sharing? Will I be wrong to tell her to stop being so self-absorbed because the rest of us are also going through our own thing? I feel bad for her because things are hard for her right now, but hell, they are hard for me too.

I Need It To Be About Me

Dear I Need It,

So, here’s the thing, sometimes people don’t realize that they are sharing “too much”, right? You are her best friend and because of that you probably know her better than anyone. Use that as your strength. If she knew about your cancer, how would she react? Would she support you or make it about her? This has been your girl for years, you know. The reality is you need to put yourself and your health first. This may be the moment in your friendship where very clear boundaries need to be set and you focus on the things that are most important right now, which is your mental and physical health. You need to be able to do this and release yourself from any form of guilt you may feel. As much as you love her and want to be there for her, if you are not ok, you simply cannot be. Take this opportunity to let her know what’s really going on and how you really feel so that she can adjust and start being there for you in your moment of need. If you do this, and you see that she still is all about herself, then you need to face the hard truth that it may be time to distance yourself from this friendship until it aligns with who you are today and not who the two of you were before. I hope this helps.

Love & Light,

Ash