• Wed. Dec 1st, 2021

Ask Ashlee: Couple disagrees on wife’s decision for weight-loss surgery

Dear Ask Ashlee,

I have been contemplating getting a BBL for quite some time but I am constantly being talked out of it. I am not happy with my body at all, I have tried so many workout routines, supplements, eating guides, the whole nine. If you name it, trust me, I have tried it. I am just at the point where I want the weight off, the curves to pop and for me to love my body. My husband is completely against this idea, so much so that we have been in constant fights about the topic as a whole. He believes I look “fine” the way I am, even though I have gained a hefty 55 lbs since we have met. I was already a rather large woman and I love that he loves me this size, but I don’t and I just want him to understand that and support me. We can’t seem to meet eye to eye on this, and I’m about done discussing it. Who is right here?

Larger Than I’d Like

Dear Larger Than I’d Like,

So here’s the thing, there is no right vs wrong here. You both are entitled to how you feel. Your feelings of being unhappy with the way you look are valid and no one can take that feeling from you or fix it for you but you. He’s feelings of loving you the way you are and seeing the wife he fell in love with are also valid; no one can make him change how he feels without him choosing to submit to a different perspective on the topic.

Consider this, your husband could have underlying issues of trust and could fear that you becoming a new person will result in him losing the wife that he knows and loves. This could be a feeling that he is unable to put into words for him to express on his own. I am sure you know some of your husband’s doubts, reservations and fears when it comes to this situation, so do what you can do to reassure him through this process.

If you want the surgery, no one can really stop you from getting it, so maybe you have reservations of your own that you need to be honest with yourself about.

In the meantime, I would suggest learning as much as you can about the procedure, the good vs the bad and weighing your options. A BBL will still require a healthier lifestyle to maintain your results, so if you aren’t ready for change, this may not help you with the underlying issues of happiness either. Go deeper, take your time and make the best decision for you and for your health.

I hope this helps.

Ash