Dear Ask Ashlee,
My father and I [didn’t have] much of a relationship while I was growing up. He and my mother broke up when I was eight years old, and our relationship has been in shambles ever since. I recently have been wanting to reconnect with him, but I still have a lot of questions as to why he hasn’t fought for me, or why we don’t have a close relationship at all. My mom has always given me her opinion of what she believes happened, but even after all these years, she still gets really angry about it, and it seems like a subject that can be very triggering for her. I guess my question is, should I ask my dad these questions and allow him to tell me his side, or should I just reach out and try to move forward as best as we can?
Curious But Open
Dear Curious But Open,
So, here’s the thing, I don’t think there is anything wrong with you getting both. You can have a conversation with your dad and ask the questions you want to ask him. Your father may be open to sharing his side of how everything went down, he may not. However, I do think you should prepare yourself for multiple outcomes. I wouldn’t have any expectations, but I would remain open to what he has to say if your overall goal is to start re-establishing your relationship with him. Whatever has happened between him and your mother, will always remain between them, but the important thing for you to remember is that it should hold no bearing over how the two of you can move forward now. I also want you to keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes, we all have a history, we all have a past and some of us are ashamed of the past mistakes we have made. Remain open and prepared to give grace so that you can have an opportunity to flourish in something new and beautiful, you might surprise yourself. I hope this helps!
Love & Light,
Ashlee
Editor’s Note: The views expressed in this commentary piece do not necessarily the express the opinions of The Cincinnati Herald.