Dear Ask Ashlee,
I’m struggling with accepting a situation in my life and need some guidance. A few months ago, I ended a long-term relationship that I thought would last forever. It was a mutual decision, but the reality of it still hits me hard. Despite knowing it was for the best, I find myself constantly rethinking the breakup over and over again, what went wrong and feeling a sense of loss and regret.
How can I fully embrace and accept this breakup without falling into the trap of self-blame or denial? I want to move forward and heal, but it feels like I’m stuck in this cycle of negative emotions. Any advice on how to finally accept this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Stuck in the Past
Dear Stuck in the Past,
So, here’s the thing, this week we are focusing on “radical acceptance”. The term itself means to accept reality the way it is, without resistance and being free from judgement. That’s where you have to start. You must face the fact that the relationship has run its course and work daily to be ok with that. The self-blame is the “free from judgement” aspect where you learn that everything actually happens for a reason and release yourself from that internal guilt. Even if you were the responsible party for the breakup, there is a reason; whether it be necessary for more growth and maturity on your part, or maybe you have some internal conflicts you need to work on before being in a relationship, there is always a reason.
Radical acceptance is a developed skill set. It takes time and it takes practice, so give yourself grace as you begin to develop this skill. This practice will look like, seeking support when you need it, embracing new opportunities (not in new men, but new areas of your life), understanding what you can control, and practicing mindfulness! It’s ok for you to acknowledge your feelings, but also, challenge your negative thoughts and replace that self-blame with compassion and I promise you’ll be through that pain in no time. I hope this helps!
Love & Light,
Ashlee