When Child Becomes the Caregiver: Navigating a Parents’ Transition

Life can be fragile and challenging at times. Furthermore, it can be more complex when children become their parents’ caregivers. The transition is unavoidable when children become caregivers, and the process can be stressful, time-consuming, and involve a mental shift in role reversal and responsibilities. If the caregiver is an only child, the complexity can be contrastingly different than in families with siblings that can hopefully find a balance to share responsibilities while selecting a primary caregiver.

The transition for children as caregivers requires additional support from professionals, either mental or spiritual, which can be a positive choice to success, specifically in the Black and Brown communities where counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are not as readily accepted as a means of health recovery or support. Brandon C. Brown, MSW, LSW and, Carmita N. Brown, MA, LLPC, shares, “Whether you are in the midst of caring for someone you love or if you are working to plan ahead for when the time comes with your family, there is hope and help to aid in assisting your loved one in receiving quality care. As mental health professionals, we are advocates for the acknowledgement and elimination of stress and burnout which can easily rear their ugly heads in times of immense transition.” Here are some suggested tips for transitioning from child to caregiver of a parent(s):

1. Managing personal emotions

• If you become overwhelmed, HALT*; don’t allow yourself to try and make decisions or provide care if you are (hungry, angry, lonely, or tired)
• Please don’t do it alone; connect with others such as clergy, mental health professionals, or like-minded community members to assist with your emotional and spiritual needs.

2. Implement a routine self-care practice

• Incorporate periodic breaks for 15-30 minutes and incorporate an activity of your choice.

3. Effective communication among family members and decision-makers

• Set ongoing meeting times to bring family members and/or decision-makers together to communicate about the planning strategies for the loved one’s care.

4. Developing financial and legal plans

• Educate yourself about the legal requirements for caring for a loved one, including financial expectations, housing, wills, power of attorney, etc.

5. Respecting the wishes and desires of the loved ones (even if they can’t speak for themselves)

• Have intentional conversations with your loved one about their plans for their assets and post-mortem celebration/memorial.
• Document your findings.

My favorite:

6. Keep friends close.

• Caregivers can easily become isolated and not find the time to maintain friendships as the task of caring for a parent(s) becomes more complex and unknowns rear their heads. During this journey, caregivers need their good friends to share and have someone who will express empathy and care.

Consider these tips as a caregiver. The above tips are not exhaustive but can be a window into transitioning from child to caregiver for a loved one. The above tips can reduce the heightened emotions and potential frustration, confusion, and anger that may arise. These tools can be impactful while presenting as a united front and they help to enforce respect for each person in their commitment, contribution, and sacrifice. The Browns states, “We believe by utilizing the available resources and incorporating the strategies highlighted, caregivers can become better equipped to care for others and themselves through this labor of love.”

I would like to share that, as a caregiver, you are not alone, and it is brave to seek help when needed.

* Source: Mind Tools, “What Are the HALT Risk States? Understanding the Risks of Working on Empty, https://www.mindtools.com/acd2ov1/what-are-the-halt-risk-states,